How I Healed my Relationship with Food
I never realized it until I started my healing journey, but eating was the only tool I had to cope with intense feelings and emotions. I would eat when I was sad, angry, scared, bored, and even happy.
Going to restaurants with friends, I would also wonder if they could tell that I just had a big bag of chips before coming to dinner. I didn’t want them to know how much I ate and could eat. So when I was with them, I barely ate.
On the way home, I would stop at a convenient store and grab some chocolate bars. I would then go to another store and grab some ice-cream. I was too embarrassed to buy it all from the same place.
This pattern went on for years. Everyone always said I was such a healthy eater and I wanted that image to continue. The truth was I was a binge and emotional eater.
I never really learned to deal with emotions. I mean, I used food to numb emotions even from the time I was a kid. If I were sad, my grandma would give me a cookie to feel better. I think this is the case for most of us.
When I watched TV, I would mindlessly eat the entire time. I felt like I was two different people. The one my friends would see, and the “real” me.
The thing is, this wasn’t the real me either. This was the me that was never taught to sit and work through my feelings and emotions. I look back and I am grateful I had food to support me at the time. Might sound strange but I am not sure how I would have coped without it.
I learned that I didn’t need a diet, diet pills or anything external. I needed to learn to sit with my emotions. It was really new to me and I was scared. But I knew it was the only way to be free from this toxic relationship with food and heal.
Here are some powerful tools that helped me:
1) Food is not the enemy
If you are beating yourself up for what you are eating, then you are only focusing on the tool that has helped support you through your pain. If you take that away without adding in healthy tools and coping mechanisms, you will set yourself up for failure. If you are trying to start healing your relationship with food, focus on what you can add in to nurture your body like fruits and vegetables, not what you feel you shouldn’t be eating. You have spent enough time doing that.
2) Mind-body connection
When we turn to food we tend to live from the shoulders up. We suppress all our body sensations and have no connection to our hunger signals or feelings. It makes it impossible to learn how to eat from a satiety standpoint. Start spending a few minutes a day checking in with your body and noticing how it feels. Put your brain on pause. You can do a body scan or a meditation to start helping you connect to your body. I offer a free body connection in my free emotional eating toolkit.
3) Stop trying to convince yourself to stop eating
When you are in the eating frenzy, beating yourself up is not the answer. It is going to be important to get you back in touch with your body and regulate your nervous system. To do this we need to use your senses. Any of them will do! Trying using some essential oils, taking a warm bath, or moving your body. After that you will be able to feel grounded and notice what has pushed you to eat.
4) Visualize the healed you
We are so busy trying to learn new tools and techniques, we barely have time to implement them. Take 5 minutes a day and close your eyes. Visualize who you would be without your negative relationship with food. What would you be doing? What is your energy like? Visualize this. This is the real you, the you that is healed.
5) Mindful eating
This is where you actually can taste the food you eat. Start by eating one meal a day sitting down. Chew your food. Notice what flavors you taste. The more you practice this the more natural it will be.
6) Start liking yourself
None of us are perfect. Let’s start loving all of you. Make a list of three things you like about yourself. Add one thing a day and allow it to grow. If you have trouble with this, ask people close to you what they like about you and let’s start embracing it.